Friday, December 7, 2018
Divorce is difficult for everyone in the family. Kelly Olson, The Village's Chief Clinical Officer, suggests some things to do – and not do – when a marriage is ending that are in the best interest of your children.
- Allow your child to love your ex unconditionally without your voice in their head saying all of the horrible things your ex has done.
- Get professional help for you or your children if you are having a difficult time dealing with the divorce.
- Seek divorce co-parenting counseling if you are having problems resolving conflict.
- Try to avoid making major changes following a divorce.
- Talk with your children. Ask them if they are doing OK. Ask if they would like to talk about their feelings. Open the door to communication.
- Take a moment and breathe. Appreciate the significant life changes you and your children have just endured. Give yourself some time to adjust to all the changes.
- Allow your child time to still engage in their regular activities. You may want your visitation to be 100% spent with you, but your children still need to attend other events that are important to them.
- Get legal advice.
- Be flexible with your child and your ex. Try to cooperate as best you can.
- Don’t tell you child the whole story about why you are getting a divorce.
- Don’t put your children in middle. Asking their opinion on how to handle things it not fair to your child.
- Don’t send messages through your children. If you have a message, pick up the phone and talk with your ex about it yourself.
- Don’t have conflict in front of your children.
- Avoid calling your ex names or saying other degrading things in front of your children.
- Don’t try to remove all of your ex’s belongings or any remembrance of your ex from your child’s home or life.
- Don’t introduce a new significant other too soon after the divorce or too soon into the new relationship.
- Don’t make promises or plans with the kids before discussion with your ex.